It was inevitable. http://theskunkpot.com/index.php/steampunk-potato-daddy-by-ginger-troll/

During the winter of 2011, my gas/heating bill was huge, despite numerous efforts at lowering it (weather stripping, thermostat reduction, etc.).  So when I found out about Consumer Energy's budget plan, I signed up for it. You start in May, and then you pay the same amount for gas every month based on a year-round average taken from previous bills.  This works out nicely--the winter heat bill doesn't kill me, and it's easier to budget when the bill is the same every month.  I did this for electricity, too.

But . . .

Thanks to the hugely mild winter wrought by global warming in 2012, my house used maybe half the natural gas it did last year.  So what I owed on my account went into the negatives.  As of the end of the fiscal year (May), my balance is -$600.  In other words, I spent $600 less in heating costs this year than last, thanks to the mild weather.

The gas company owes me the money, though the bill doesn't say, "We're sending a check soon."  Instead, it says, "Credit--do not pay," and "Starting next month, your budget plan amount will be $57."

I don't like that--the computer assumes we'll have another super-mild winter.  If we don't, and my gas use goes back up to 2011 levels, I'll owe =them= $600.  I need to call them and have them make another adjustment.

And find out what the deal is with the amount I overpaid!

A recent study by the University of California suggests that, despite protestations, people don't really mind spoilers, that spoilers can actually enhance enjoyment of a story or film.  An interesting idea.

I do get annoyed at overly-sensitive spoiler people.  By this, I mean people who clap their hands over their ears and howl, "Geez! Spoiler warning!" when you mention that Rosebud was the sled or that Hamlet dies.  I recently read a columnist who was reluctant to "spoil" the ending to the show BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, even though it went off the air in 2009.  Come on, guys!

This all started with the DVR.  Once people could freely and easily record shows, appointment TV vanished.  You hardly ever hear people say, "Did you see the finale to THE BIG BANG THEORY last night?"  Many people say, "I haven't watched it yet--no spoilers!"

In my not-so-humble opinion, media has a shelf life.  It seems reasonable to me that once a TV show has aired, all spoiler bets are off.  If you don't watch it, you can try to avoid spoilers, but have no right to scream if someone else talks about the show.  After all, it's not fair to expect the entire world to remain silent just for you.

Movies?  A week, maybe two after the premiere.  After that, spoil away.

Books?  They're stickier.  Not everyone gets around to reading books when they come out, and we can't really expect them to.  On the other hand, this makes it hard to set a reasonable time frame before public discussion is "allowed."

My students, for example, have almost never read OF MICE AND MEN, and I avoid spoiling the ending for them.  Shakespeare, on the other hand, tells the audience in the prologue of ROMEO AND JULIET that his star-crossed lovers are going to die.  One time I mentioned in class that Dumbledore dies in the sixth Harry Potter book, and my students howled about me spoiling it because the movie hadn't come out yet.  "The book came out two years ago," I said.  "Too bad."

It goes without saying that reviewers should never spoil anything, since they usually get materials in advance.

Myself, I've come to realize I don't mind some spoilers.  General spoilers like "It has a happy ending" or "The dog dies in the end" don't bother me.  But I hate plot twist spoilers.  I was one of the unhappy millions who read PEOPLE magazine just before THE RETURN OF THE JEDI came out and discovered that Luke and Leia were siblings, and I was ready to commit murder.

How do you feel about spoilers?  Do you agree with the study?  Chime in--I've even set up a survey.

ETA: Today's DORK TOWER strip, by coincidence, mirrors this issue and my opinion: http://www.dorktower.com/2012/05/23/puny-spoiler-dork-tower-23-05-12/

Poll #1842162 Spoilers
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

When should TV spoilers be "allowed"?

When should movie spoilers be "allowed"?

When should book spoilers be allowed?

What's your attitude toward spoilers in general?

Now that I've gotten everyone riled up about gender issues, here's something to calm things down . . .

www.nytimes.com/2012/05/20/opinion/sunday/the-attack-on-women-is-real.html

While I was responding to some posts in the previous entry, Aran came into my office and said, "I was thinking about the time when..."

This is common with Aran.  He'll wander into the room and announce whatever is currently running through his head, usually beginning with "I was thinking about..." or "I was just imagining that..."

In this case, he said, "I was thinking about the time in our old house when we had gnomes."

And I wondered if he understood the truth.

Like many autists, Aran had no imagination when he was small.  Everything was absolutely literal.  TV was real.  Stories were real.  There were no metaphors, no similes, no hyperbole, no lies.  In order to jump-start imagination, I used puppets.  With puppets, Aran could see how pretending worked.  I acted like the puppet was a real person, but Aran could also plainly see that it wasn't.  So that was pretending!  Slowly, steadily, he started being able to develop an imagination.  He would interact with the puppets and even invent games with them on his own.  But he was still oddly concrete with it--everything he imagined had to be something he could see or hear.

So one day I told him that gnomes lived in the house.  I described them as little men with red pointy caps and blue coats and long noses, and told Aran how they lived in the walls and under the floor, where they sometimes knocked or made other noise.  Later, when Aran was in his room, I went down to the basement and knocked on the cellar ceiling with a broom.  Kala, who was upstairs, rushed into Aran's room.  "Do you hear the gnomes knocking?"

This started a trend.  Every so often, Kala or I would create a mysterious sound effect somewhere in the house and we'd blame it on the gnomes.  When something went missing, we said the gnomes took it.  We left out food for them sometimes, and when Aran went back to check later, it was always gone. This fascinated Aran no end.  The world was full of things he couldn't see!  Amazing!

Aran's imagination is varied and rich now.  He has a highly-developed inner life, and he owes to the puppets and the gnomes.

But we never did tell him the truth about gnomes.  Just never got around to it.  Now, however, I'm wondering if I should say something.  Does he know he were making it up?  Would I be shattering some deeply-treasured belief?  Would I be wounding him forever?

Maybe I should ask the puppets.

In today's Dear Abby column, we had this nugget:

***

DEAR ABBY: My husband loves to cook and he's very good at it. Every night when I get home from work, he greets me with a huge meal. Problem is, I feel obligated to eat it even when I'm not the least bit hungry. Every morning, he asks me what I want for dinner. I prefer my main meal at noon and a very light meal -- or none at all -- at the end of the day.

How can I get him to stop cooking for me without hurting his feelings? I know he does it because he loves me, but I feel I am being forced to eat food I really don't want. -- STUFFED IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR STUFFED: I presume you're a new bride, because otherwise you would have already learned how to communicate openly with your husband while still being tactful. Try this:

"Honey, you're killing me with kindness. If I keep eating like this, I'll have to invest in an entire new wardrobe. My metabolism works better if I have my main meal at noon and very little -- if anything -- in the evening, so please help me by not making these large dinners because they're too tempting to resist."

***
Ain't that gorgeous?

For decades, perhaps centuries, women have been complaining that their husbands do little or nothing to help around the house.  Husbands are characterized in women's magazines and on TV and in movies as oafs who are completely unwilling or stunningly unable to handle even the simplest domestic chore, and women go on at great length to their girlfriends about it.  I distinctly remember reading an interview in a woman's ragmag in which one woman loudly proclaimed that the sexiest thing she'd ever seen a man do was cook a meal, and the other women in the interview agreed with enthusiasm.

Well, damn, then--"Stuffed"* must be getting daily multiple orgasms the moment she walks in the door, right?

Ha.

"Stuffed" woman ends up with a man who not only =wants= to do the cooking, he =asks= to do the cooking.  He's =good= at the cooking.  He creates lavish meals and serves them to her EVERY DAY with love and care.  And what happens?  SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT IT.

What a thoughtless creep.

And does Abby gently take her to task for it?  Why, no.  Abby tells her to find a way to gently, lovingly, carefully derail a trait that, apparently, women have been screaming to get for centuries.

Apparently women don't want their men to help around the house.  Women really just want to complain.

And one day, this couple--if this fantastic husband doesn't leave his thoughtless wife--may very well have children.  How grand will it be to have a husband/father who handles all the cooking?  What wonderful family dinners they could have.

But wait!  Wifey doesn't want such things.  She just wants to come home, nibble a few saltines, and go to bed.  Sounds like this family is in trouble already.

Abby, dear, sweetie, lovey-pie, your answer was pure pink slime.  Your answer should have been, "People have been changing their eating habits for generations, and you can easily change yours.  Have a salad at lunch, learn to enjoy your big meal at supper, and lord your treasure of a husband over all your friends.  Later, if you have children, you'll be triply grateful you have him."

I'll bet you a hundred dollars that in a few weeks, Abby will print in her column a retraction that says, "I've gotten an avalanche of mail about my response to STUFFED IN SAN ANTONIO, and boy did I get it wrong."

She better, anyway.

*Ironically, "stuffed" is British slang for "fucked."

ETA: Edited from the original for poorly-chosen language.

On this absolutely stunning spring afternoon, I grilled hamburgers to perfection outside.  The boys and I ate them on the patio in balmy air while a hesitant hummingbird zipped back and forth to the feeder behind us.  It was quiet and relaxing and a fine way to spend supper.

There's an interview with me here: http://www.mybookishways.com/2012/05/interview-giveaway-steven-harper-author-of-the-impossible-cube.html

And there's a review of THE IMPOSSIBLE CUBE here: http://www.twimom227.com/2012/05/review-impossible-cube-by-steven-harper.html