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Deep Coupon Confession

I have a confession:

I'm rotten with coupons.

See, I've grown accustomed to the long string of store coupons the register spits out at me: "Save 25 cents on your next purchase of Goofies!" "Save $1.72 on purchase of 3 and a half boxes of Snickles!"  And the gold ticket: "Thank you for buying Flibbers! Get $2.00 off your next visit!"

When I get home, I dutifully tack them to the refrigerator and swear I'll use them next Friday.  And every Friday, I totally fail to grab them.  The stack sits there, growing fatter and fatter, until I go through them and see that most of them expired six months ago, and anyway the ink is fading so you can barely read them, and this one was somehow clawed by the cat.

Part of this comes from the fact that I do the weekly grocery shopping on my way home from work on Fridays.  I used to do it on Sunday morning, and then I realized that I despised having to give up a chunk of my lovely weekend to trudge to the store.  I hated everything about it--the way the stupid chore hung over my head all weekend, having to spend Saturday evening making out the grocery list, the lack of fresh ingredients over the weekend when I had more time to cook something elaborate, the extra time it took to drive to the store and back--everything.

It finally occurred to me that I didn't need to do the shopping on Sunday if I didn't want to.  I did it then because my ex-wife (who used to do it) always did it Sundays on the grounds that the store was less crowded when everyone was in church.  I realized this was a silly habit if I didn't want to follow it and made the switch to Friday after work.  This killed half the drive--the store is on the way home--and it got the shopping done before the weekend started.  The downside is that I have to remember to put the shopping bags and returnable bottles in the truck on Thursday night.

It also means I never remember the stupid coupons.  The bottles and bags are in the garage, and I remember those easily, but the coupons stay on the fridge until I get home with a stack of new ones.

It actually makes me peevish.  The store makes you join their special saver's club in order to get any of their sale prices, so it would be child's play for them to automatically load the coupons onto my account and apply them whenever I input my member number.  But they don't--they want me to think I'm getting a better deal by using coupons.

I'm not sure if I'm more annoyed with the store, the coupon people, or with myself (for giving a shit about it).

Anyway, it was with a certain amount of grim satisfaction that for my latest shopping trip I remembered the damn coupons!  I grabbed them off the magnet and stuffed them into the truck's cup holder.  Not only that, said coupons were actually useful!

Because Darwin and I are going to a party on Saturday, I intended to buy frozen pizzas for the boys. (For unknown reasons, they love frozen pizza.)  I had TWO coupons for $1 off--and the pizzas in question were also marked down.  Wow!  And then I got to the baking aisle.  I had a weird-ass coupon for $2.25 off five packages of chocolate chips, which I knew I'd use for cookies, fudge, frosting, and other stuff.  Turned out the chips were on sale for $1.88 a package (down from $3).  With the coupon, they were $1.48 each!  Go me!

I felt like one of those little old ladies who crows about how she filled her cart and forced the store to pay HER $50.

And when I finished checking out, the clerk gathered up the string of new coupons.  Among them was the exact same chocolate chip coupon I'd just used.

It's on the refrigerator.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 20th, 2015 03:04 pm (UTC)
Keep a Coupon envelope in the truck -Decant the coupons into it the minute you leave the store.
Dec. 20th, 2015 04:49 pm (UTC)
See, you're assuming I'm smart enough to do that...
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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