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How to Wake Up Your Husband

Last night, I woke up around 3:00 AM. The other side of the bed was empty, and it took my sleep-fogged mind a moment to work out that Darwin was in the bathroom.  I lay there, realizing I should go, too.  When I heard water running in the sink, I got up and lurched unsteadily toward the bathroom door.

I'm six feet tall, and I have a broad build.  And our bedroom is dark at night--no street lights to lift the gloom.  My mouth was also dry, and I was making little "mmf mmf" noises while I stumbled for the bathroom and reached for the knob.

I later learned that while he was in the bathroom, Darwin thought he heard a man's voice emanating up from the basement.  Was it the house creaking?  No, it definitely sounded like a voice.  Was someone in the house?

So I suppose it's reasonable to excuse the already-nervous Darwin's reaction when he opened the bathroom door and saw a big, rumpled, groaning zombie with its arm outstretched.

It was his first chance to be on THE WALKING DEAD, however unwittingly, and I think he meant to say something coherent, but what came out was, "Gwrfstfflgl!"  He shot backwards into the bathroom and fetched up against the sink.

I, meanwhile, wasn't expecting a husband to shriek, "Gwrfstfflgl!" at 3 AM, so I jumped back and smacked against the bed.

Darwin recovered first.  He's never at his best at this time of night, and he grumbled and growled his way back to bed.  I had a hard time using the bathroom because I was laughing at both of us.  Darwin was pretending to be asleep when I got back into bed, but he wasn't.  I kept breaking into fits of laughter, which Darwin didn't appreciate, even though I explained to him I was laughing more at me than at him.

He just didn't believe me.  What's a guy to do?


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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 14th, 2016 04:28 pm (UTC)
Annnnnd this is my life. This sounds like Wayne and I. (lol)
Mar. 14th, 2016 07:29 pm (UTC)
After the third or fourth time, you start to question your own motives...
Mar. 14th, 2016 08:33 pm (UTC)
Well. My motives are evil so often we know that I'm doing things to bother him.

I may or may not have had occasion to stand in the dark directly outside of his bathroom door, silently. He might or might not have charged out, then jumped straight up and squeaked.

There probably wouldn't have been laughter. Because that would be mean.

Mar. 15th, 2016 07:50 pm (UTC)
Totally mean. You would -never- do that.
Mar. 15th, 2016 08:00 pm (UTC)
I did, however, discover an interesting sound he can make. And that he can levitate.

Apparently when sound asleep in the middle of the night a faint, soft "baa" sound in his ear will make him jump and scream. Really high pitched.

I didn't realize that he's got an instinctive fear of sheep, but there you go.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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