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Gay and Married: Dividing Up the Chores

Our society is becoming more progressive, but the majority of households still divide up the chores by gender.  Women do the majority of housework and men do the majority of maintenance.  (Yeah, yeah, yeah--your husband is a great cook and he helps with the dishes.  Great.  Does he vacuum, change the sheets, clean the toilets, do the laundry, mop the floors, dust the knickknacks, sort the video games, do the grocery shopping, and scrub out the refrigerator once a month?  Fewer than one in twenty do.)

So the big question comes up: in a same-sex marriage, who does what?

Theoretically, this happens in het marriages.  Wives and husbands sit down and discuss these things like adults and figure out--

Yeah, I couldn't keep a straight face, either.

Anyway, Darwin and I did have to work this thing out.  Neither of us gravitated toward one particular area based on gender.  However, Darwin doesn't like to cook or do anything much dealing with food, and he's (frankly) awful at grocery shopping because he won't use a list or comparison shop.  I hate anything to do with lawn and garden.  Neither of us much likes household maintenance.

In our house, I'm in charge of food and groceries, partly because Darwin rarely gets home before 7:00 (and if we waited for him to get home and cook, we wouldn't eat until 8:30), and partly because I'm a much better shopper and cook than Darwin.

Maksim and I are in charge of keeping the house clean daily. We decided on this because I have a 10-minute commute and Darwin has a 45-minute commute each way, so it makes more sense.  Darwin, however, handles occasional chores like mopping.

Darwin is in charge of anything outside.  If it's outdoor, I have nothing to do with it.  I don't rake, mow, or shovel.  We got into a couple arguments about this during winter when I asked him to clear the driveway and he wanted to know why I couldn't do it, since I was home all day, too, and I had to remind him that he'd agreed to handle the outdoor everything.

Everyone in the house does their own laundry.  It's easier that way.  You want clean clothes?  There's the machine.

We still get into difficulties with all this.  I get resentful because I do a lot more work around the house than he does, and he hired a lawn service to handle a great deal of the outdoor work.  He gets upset because he feels he works longer hours than I do and handle housework.  Sometimes this is true, especially when his commute is figured in, but when I'm under deadline, I'm working two full-time jobs and trying to handle housework as well.

But usually things work out.

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delkytlar
Apr. 12th, 2016 02:23 pm (UTC)
I guess we are pretty typical for hets. I take care of the trash, non-plant-based yard work, mowing if anything ever grows in our 10x10 lawn (last time I mowed was two years ago, nothing has grown in our "lawn" since we dug it up for sewer repairs - not even a weed), all handyman chores (installations, repairs, assembly, plunging/snaking), chauffeuring (to/from sports, to/from school, to/from shopping), paying the bills and all communications with schools and doctors.

Amy handles all plant-based yard work (except mowing), cooking (there are about four dishes I make that everyone loves, but we don't have those very often (and yes, one involves the BBQ grill)), laundry, and cleaning kitchen and bathrooms. She's very particular about cleaning, and I don't quite meet her standards, try as I might. We share the dusting and vacuuming downstairs.

The kids are responsible for sorting the laundry on Friday evenings (alternate months), and dusting and cleaning the upstairs (their own rooms and either the hallway or our room). They definitely get off easy.
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